#Fiction - KING INCEL - LORD OF THE TROLLS

KING INCEL
LORD OF THE TROLLS

Amid the din of thunderous applause, King Incel appeared on the stage. He waved a hand in acknowledgement and waited for the cheers to subside. As the crowd settled into their seats, a voice cut through the talking and scuffling of chairs.

“We love you, King Incel!”

A fresh round of enthusiastic clapping swept over the crowd. King Incel smiled and held up both hands for silence. In moment, the room became quiet and still.

“Dear friends. I stand before you today a happy man.”

Scattered cheers and whispers, but King Incel motioned once again for silence.
     
“I was once the richest man in the world. All the finest things in life were thrown at my feet. Champagne, boats, planes, and yes, horses.
     
Laughter and pointing from the crowd.
     
“I will not deny that the accoutrements of success gave pleasure. In some ways, I miss parts of the life that came with fame and fortune. It’s sad to no longer possess horses to trade for goods and services.
More laughter from the crowd.
     
“Indeed, being the richest man in the world had its perks. I will not lie about that, but something was missing. The money became everything, dictating my every action. I could no longer be myself.”
     
Hushed murmurs and nods of approval. King Incel smiled.
   
“More than 400 years ago, Hamlet uttered the immortal advice, “To thine own self be true.”
     
“Actually…” a voice from the crowd said, but a thousand stares cut the speaker to pieces, and he could not continue.
     
“When forced to choose between being the richest man in the world and speaking my mind, it wasn’t a difficult decision. It wasn’t hard to pick a side. I chose FREEDOM!” King Incel roared the final word, bringing forth a raucous round of cheering as the crowd stood as one and chanted FREEDOM. FREEDOM!
     
“To be or not to be free, that is the question. Whether it’s nobler to be rich and famous, following rules and mores of society, or to throw off all the expectations and tyranny to be truly free.”
     
Aside from Mr. Actually, every man in the room screamed their approval.
     
“I chose to be free and urge you to follow me. But how, Aye there’s the rub.”
     
The crowd sat again, waiting for King Incel to continue.

"Society tells you what not to say and how to act. Pages upon pages of rules to follow, people not to offend. Special groups to not include in humor. As if jokes killed. Society will turn you into a robot! The first step is throwing off all of their rules. But what then?"
     
“This is why I wrote the twenty commandments of being a free man. You can acquire a copy today for the low price of $8. A bargain really. I’ve read all the important literature so you don’t have to – boiled everything essential down to the 20 Commandments for a woke free life.”
     
King Incel pointed above and behind him at a monitor on the wall of the auditorium.
 
TWENTY COMMANDMENTS FOR A WOKE FREE LIFE

"Don't live in fear of who not to offend - target everyone equally, that is the answer. Doesn't equality dictate everyone should be included in humor? The first thing a free man should do each day is scream obscenities and so called 'hate speech' into the mirror. You might call it the Two Minutes Hate. I made that up myself I'll have you know. You'll get this and other brilliant original advice on how to live free in my pamphlet. Did I mention it's only $8?" 

The crowd cheered and King Incel couldn't help smiling again. After a few moments the applause subsided, allowing him to continue. 
 
“Friends, at 60% off the regular price, this is not an opportunity you should miss. Let me show you the way. Choose freedom!”
         
“Freedom,” the crowd chanted in one voice.
         
“Come forward,” said King Incel. “Collect the red ticket, which can be taken to the bookshop to purchase the WOKE FREE LIFE Commandment Pack.”
         
The crowd formed into lines along the aisles of the auditorium with solemn piety, all men silent while waiting for his moment with King Incel.
         
Some wept when receiving the Red Ticket. Others began speaking in computer code, all the mysteries of universe explained in a jumble of 1s and 0s.
         
Within a few moments of the last man in line receiving his Red Ticket, the entire room began chanting in unison.
         
King Incel!
King Incel!     
King Incel!

"One last parting thought before I send you out into the world. The next time some government lackey tells you the price of freedom is eternal vigilance, correct them: freedom costs $8. Tell all your friends. Let them know they can download a pamphlet today at WOKEFREELIFE.COM. Thank you friends for your contributions to my freedom fund. You've taken the first steps to become free men. Go forth and spread the good word." 

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